also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
