and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
