I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
