So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
