Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Mom said you looked used
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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