I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
