my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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