dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
