I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
