He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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