they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
