she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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