Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
