Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
A bitchslap is in order.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
