I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize