he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize