I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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