the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
