And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
