Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
