good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
