Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
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I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
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Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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