Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
