It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
