I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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