What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
