If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
