Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
