We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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