In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
