ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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