he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
