I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We have started to decorate penises.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
