Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
