hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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