I was born with a shot glass in my hand
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
