I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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