OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
