Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
