Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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