i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
