i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
