he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
