I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
