Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
