the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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