His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he thought i was a dude.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
