why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
