if you like me you must not know who I am
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
