About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i think my cat just said my name.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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