My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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