he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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