I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I could make wine with my vomit
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
