i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
