Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
