is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
