8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize