Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
