How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
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Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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