margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
wakey wakey hands off snakey
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
