like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
