Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Every concussion has its silver lining
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
