the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
