I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm passing your future prison.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
