when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
