brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
