Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
