So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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