Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
