Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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