I think I won the penis lottery.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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