Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
