The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
