I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
