I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
