You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
