I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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