Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
