not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You are a genius and a whore.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
