did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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