Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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