First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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