just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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