i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
