New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
