Are we in a gay sports bar?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
